Behold: Pretzel-dough pizza crust, topped with a mustard beer cheddar sauce and finished off with apples, onions and sausage. A little rosemary thrown in for aromatics and the requisite green so you don't feel so bad about the fatty sluttiness.
The dough is standard store-bought because I have better things to do than measure flour and wait for shit to rise, but we baste it in a baking soda wash that, when sprinkled with kosher salt, becomes a large pretzel. Of course, as mustard, beer and cheese are friends with pretzels, we turn them into a sauce. Then, we get a bit German about it with the sausage, juxtaposing it with apples and onions. Prost!
Slutty Pretzel Pizza with Beer Cheddar Sauce, Sausage & Apples
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup beer (real beer, nothing 'light', you cretin)
1/2 pound sharp cheddar cheese, grated
3 tablespoons stone ground mustard
1/3 pound spicy Italian sausage, crumbled
1 cup red onion, thinly sliced
1 medium apple (any tart/sweet variety), thinly sliced
1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped
1 pound prepared pizza dough
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons baking soda
1 tablespoon kosher salt
Make the sauce:
Melt butter on medium low heat in a medium saucepan. Stir in the flour and cook for about 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Turn heat to low and add the milk, stirring to incorporate completely. Turn heat to medium and add the beer, stirring to combine. Add the cheese and cook until all of it has melted, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and stir in the mustard.
Make the toppings:
Add the sausage to a medium skillet and cook on medium high heat for 5-7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until just done. Drain on a paper towel lined plate. Add the sliced red onion to the skillet and cook on high heat for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until onions are limp and edges are browned.
Make the crust:
Place pizza dough on a floured surface and roll into a 14-inch circle. Spray a large baking sheet with cooking spray. Add baking soda to the warm water and stir to dissolve. Brush the dough with half of this mixture, then place the dough upside down onto the baking sheet. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Brush the dough with the remaining water and baking soda mixture (reheating if needed), sprinkling the edges with kosher salt. Bake for 10 minutes.
Assemble and bake:
Spread the dough (excluding salted edges) with the cheese sauce, then follow with a layer of overlapping apple slices. Sprinkle evenly with the sausage, onion and rosemary. Bake for 10 minutes or until sauce is bubbling and crust is brown. Makes one 14-inch pizza with 8 slices, serves 2-4. Serve with beer.